A Story About Step 1

Step 1: Come to understand and accept that we are powerless over the addiction of a loved one and recognize that our lives have become unmanageable. (From the Healing Through Christ 12-step manual)

The story below is an edited version of a story recorded by 

a loved one in my husband's extended family. 

This event really happened. Please do not repeat or copy 

any part of this story without my explicit permission.

(I have received permission from the family member to share this story.) 

I will refer to the family member as "Ginny" and her friend as "John." 

I have thought of this story so many times in relation to step 1. 

I will italicize and bold the part of the story that I feel relates to the principle of step 1. 

But there are many other parts of the story that I think relate to other

steps or aspects of addiction, and I will italicize some of them as well.

It was the summer after Ginny graduated from high school. Ginny and her friend John decided to go swimming in a large lake. The rented a boat and rowed far out into the lake. The lake was very polluted, but they decided it would be ok to swim if they kept their heads above the water. John jumped out and started swimming, and after much convincing, Ginny joined him. As soon as she left the boat, the wind picked up and the boat started moving away from them fast. John started swimming after it, and in almost no time the wind had become so strong that the waves were so large that Ginny could no longer see John or the boat.

Ginny sighted the shore and felt that it was out of her range---she truly did not think she would be able to keep swimming or floating long enough to make it to the shore. She thought about how sad she would be that she that she would not get to attend college, get married, or have children. She accepted her fate of death and kept dwelling on that thought. The only thought that comforted her was that she would not have to tell John's mother what happened to him. Finally, she became so tired that she stopped caring at all about trying to stay on top of the water, and she began to sink. 

She was surprised to find that just a few feet below her was the bottom of the lake. With renewed hope, she pushed off from the bottom of the lake toward the shore and swam a little farther. She did this over and over and finally made it to the shore. After resting on the beach for a while, she saw John walking toward her. The boat was gone (John later had to rent a plane to find the boat and another boat to go retrieve it; it had all their clothes, wallets, and keys in it). They walked back toward home and someone gave them a ride (they were just in their bathing suits).

Out of the entire experience, Ginny shared that "the most surprising thing of all" was the reaction of her mother: "She really scolded me and did not say anything about being happy that I was safe. This caused me great pain and I have thought about it many times, and vowed that I would never do the same thing to my children."

To me, Ginny's experience of accepting her powerlessness over her situation relates perfectly to step 1, and it is beautiful to me that when she finally stopped trying to save herself by herself, she gained access to a resource---the bottom of the lake---that allowed her to survive. This really illustrates the idea of hitting "rock bottom" to me. (Also, I've actually seen this idea of pushing off the bottom taught formally as a survival skill, so I think it's cool that she figured it out on her own.)

I also think it's interesting that in order to survive, Ginny and John had to lose everything, but that what they had was later restored to them (but it took great effort to get it). And I think the shame they felt at being picked up for a ride by a stranger in their bathing suits is something any addict or loved one of an addict can relate too---that vulnerable feeling of being exposed in front of others who stay safely hidden behind their clothes. I also think that addicts and loved ones of addicts can relate to the feelings Ginny must have felt when she returned to her mother only to be served further shame rather than love and relief.